Getting Started with Mindfulness

Part 1: What is Mindfulness?

It’s pretty easy to go through our days rushing about not really stopping to notice much, letting ourselves get caught up in worrying about the past, and trying to plan for an uncertain future. We forget to stop and acknowledge what’s happening in and around us in the present moment. Sometimes we just don’t even register that there is a present moment.

We tend to rely on external stuff to help ourselves avoid the things – sometimes many things – that we don’t want to think about or deal with. We don’t want to think about our fears, failures, or insecurities. We don’t want to remember the traumatic events, dark times, or past mistakes. Sometimes we don’t even want to feel or acknowledge our true feelings.

It’s totally understandable to want these disturbing thoughts and negative emotions to ‘just go away,’ but the avoidance techniques our brains employ can’t and don’t actually make the bad things disappear or un-happen. And, as our complex minds would have it, trying to banish these unwanted thoughts and emotions makes us think about them even more.

So, how can we calm our mind when it is racing around worrying about so many different things? Learning to use mindfulness is one strategy to learning to live with those gnawing, sometimes unrelenting thoughts. Mindfulness is a way to start paying attention to your sensations, feelings, and thoughts (even the negative ones) in the here-and-now with acceptance and without judgment.

Maybe you’ve heard about this whole mindfulness thing, and it sounds nice with all the benefits like: lowering stress, decreasing depression, improving memory, strengthening relationships, and being able to be integrated with other therapies that are used to cope with the complexities surrounding Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

And you might be wondering: “What exactly is mindfulness?”

Well, here it is:
Mindfulness is the practice of purposefully bringing your attention to the present-moment experience without judgment, being fully aware of where we are and what we are doing without becoming overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.

Mindfulness basically boils down to two main ingredients: awareness and acceptance.
1. Awareness of what we are experiencing here and now, flows of thoughts, the things running through our minds, physical sensations, feelings – all of them.

2. Acceptance of these streams of thought, feelings and sensations (yes, all of them) without judgment and without letting them define who you are.

 

Thought Buses – a mindfulness analogy

One way I’ve heard it explained, which helped me visualize things better was like this: “Imagine standing at a bus station and seeing your thoughts as the buses that are coming and going to and from the station. These ‘thought buses’ simply come and go and we can watch them without having to get on board and be taken away.”

Gradually, we can train ourselves to notice when our thoughts are taking over and realize that these thoughts are simply ‘mental events’ that do not have to control us. You learn to allow yourself to look at those ‘thought buses’ and acknowledge that they exist. With time you realize that you have the ability to decide that you’re not going to get on a specific ‘thought bus’ today. And you learn to let it drive off without you on board.

So how do you ‘do’ mindfulness?

It’s not easy to do at first since most of us have built up a habit of not slowing down, not being compassionate with ourselves, and burying all of our negative thoughts and emotions. (How many excuses do you have right now for not slowing down and paying attention to what’s going on in or around you?) These types of repetitive and consistent thinking and behavior patterns determine your brain’s form and function. Mindfulness helps you, in essence, train your brain to think and focus in a different way.

There are also many ways to ‘do’ mindfulness and as you start learning you can experiment and discover which techniques help you the most. There are mindfulness meditations to help you get in touch with physical sensations, daily techniques like ‘mindful eating,’ or changing your routine to help your mind turn off the autopilot and be present.

Sometimes the biggest breakthrough, however, comes in being able to simply acknowledge your thoughts and feelings when they come up and not let them completely engulf your every waking thought and action. It’s letting the thought or feeling happen and learning to say ‘I am feeling/thinking ‘x,’ and letting it go before choosing if or how to act on it.

You could say that another benefit of Mindfulness is helping to prevent us from doing some really stupid, impulsive or regrettable things that often result from the strong emotions we feel.

 

Part 2: What mindfulness isn’t.

Mindfulness seems kind of easy on the surface, but it is so complex that nobody knows exactly how it works. They just know, with study after study, that it does help people cope with everyday stress, anxiety, anger, and post traumatic stress. In order to help define what it involves, I thought I’d list some things that it doesn’t involve to give a more clear picture of mindfulness.

 

Mindfulness isn’t relaxation. 
Or rather, relaxation and escaping from our problems aren’t the end goals of mindfulness. You might feel some relaxation after doing mindfulness practice. However, during practice you might also feel uncomfortable things or face unsettling things about yourself. As I mentioned before the majority of us go through life thinking about everything except the present moment, and avoiding certain thoughts and emotions. Having to sit with and accept these thoughts and feelings without judging them teaches you to recognize the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between. It can leave you with a range of experiences from difficult and unpleasant to uplifting and enlightening.

 

It is not a quick fix.
It takes time and dedication to learn just like any other new skill we set out to learn. You actually have to commit to doing this for yourself, your healing and your well-being which may already cause some of us to feel a bit of resistance.

And, unless you stop having challenging emotions and experiences in your life you don’t really finish learning it. Mindfulness becomes a tool in your life/mental health-toolbox. You’ll have to take it out, use it, maybe make some modifications or upgrades to it. But, like a sturdy tool it will always be there when you need it.

 

Mindfulness isn’t religious.
Mindfulness has roots in Buddhist meditation, but it does not prescribe any religious teachings or beliefs, nor does it infringe on them either. Anybody is welcome to learn the technique. You can use mindfulness to enhance your own religious practices and direct your attention and awareness to your spirituality. Or you can keep it a completely secular practice.

 

It isn’t complicated.
It may seem so strange and foreign or even mystical at first, and it is, but at the same time you don’t have to overthink it or make it more complicated. You can just let it be simple, strange, foreign and mystical.

It doesn’t require you to achieve an absence of thoughts or bend spoons with your brain waves. Mindfulness can be practiced whether your mind is still or chaotic. And, there is no one singular way to do mindfulness. There are several techniques you can try out and use the ones that are most suitable for you.

Having all of this freedom to make it your own and not having a clear set of rules is another thing that could cause feelings of resistance or anxiety for some of us. But the key is to take it one step at a time. Once you’ve tried it you can take what you like and leave the rest, and experiment with different techniques.

 

Mindfulness isn’t right for everyone.
And that’s ok. Mindfulness isn’t the only way to find relief from intrusive thoughts and painful emotions. It’s simply one of the tools you can use to improve your wellbeing. Some complex conditions might require different strategies and support from trained professionals. Mindfulness will be there for you when you are ready and if you don’t need it, that’s perfectly ok. Mindfulness won’t be offended.

Our minds usually have a habit of wandering around in the past and jumping into the future, and are so full of thoughts and stories that don’t always have anything to do with what’s happening around us at the moment. In some cases the mind even gets caught up in narratives that aren’t even based in reality. Getting respite from busy thoughts, releasing the constant flow of worries and ruminations, and getting ourselves into the present moment without judging or blaming is a potential benefit of mindfulness. The calmness can feel strange after a lifetime of chaos, but that’s where you actually start to get in touch with yourself.

It can take some time for the practice to feel natural and become part of your routine. Learning to really pay attention to and take care of our mental health is a new concept for so many of us. All too often we are taught to ignore the negative and painful emotions and to be suspicious of the happy and positive ones. But what if we could give the same amount of attention to all of our thoughts and feelings, and in learning how to accept and stop judging our thoughts and emotions also learn how to accept and stop judging ourselves?